Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed Parents by Betsy Brown Braun

Author:Betsy Brown Braun
Language: eng
Format: mobi, pdf
Tags: &NEW, Developmental, Communication in Families, Psychology, Parent And Child, School Age, Communication in the Family, General, Parenting, Child, Life Stages, Family Relationships, Child Rearing, Family & Relationships
ISBN: 9780061452970
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2008-01-02T00:00:00+00:00

“How Did the Baby Get in Your Tummy?”

Learning about the Birds and the Bees

Today, couples are marrying later and starting families at an older age than ever before. For these parents, sex and baby making might have been mutually exclusive: my husband (partner) and I have sex because we love each other. We went to the doctor (lawyer!) when we wanted to have a baby. Even if you are a single parent by choice, if you adopted your child, if you are part of a gay or lesbian couple, or if you used a surrogate, your child still needs to know where babies come from and what having sex is. I haven’t met a parent who doesn’t want her child to learn about sex and making babies in the context of a loving relationship, regardless of how the child might have been conceived We know that young people are becoming sexually active at earlier ages, which means that not only do your children need to know about sex, but they also need to learn about it from you sooner than you think. They need to have the facts in order to make the decisions that are right for them. So even though talking to your young child about sex may seem premature (and daunting), it is crucial. This chapter will help.

Each of us brings a different history to our role as parent and teacher of sex. Your own attitudes about sex and bodies have been developed over a long time, influenced by your experiences, your parents, even your grandparents, and by the culture in which you grew up. You carry your history in your personal and ever-present set of luggage. It is your template not only for how you feel about sex and sexuality but also for what you want your children to know and how you are going to teach it. For that reason alone, there is no single answer to any of the questions raised in this chapter.

I will tell you, however, that at some point soon you do need to address 128

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your own feelings about bodies, nudity, and sex. If you say one thing and feel or model another, your child will pick up on it. Children spot hypocrisy faster than you can imagine. Before you know it, your child will ask how old you were when you had your first “real” kiss or when you first had sex. Yikes! It’s time to start thinking about it now.

In recalling how they learned about sex, most parents don’t remember what they learned or thought when they were three, four, or five years old.

Rather, they usually conjure up memories from when they were nine, ten, and thirteen years or older. When asked how they learned about sex, most parents tell me something along the lines of: “I learned it from my friends” or “I learned it from the movies.” But the sex lessons begin way before that.

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